Connecting to anyone, let alone your mate, in a spiritual and emotional way is often the hardest to do.  It’s not as simple as say, joining a gym together or starting a book club -- this connection takes work and creativity. It takes more time than other forms of bonding, but the rewards can be immensely gratifying.

Take the situation of Melissa and her fiancée Graham. As their wedding approaches, the couple haven taken part in their church’s weekend wedding retreat. “We had 4 ‘classes’ and after each one we separated from each another and filled out a questionnaire explaining what we learned, how we will apply it, and what we will need to do to apply this to our relationship,” states Melissa.

The classes, which were monitored by married couples, covered the topics of religion, sex, children, and finances.  “It was very interesting to hear these couples talk freely about the issues they faced during marriage.  Some of the couples had been married for only a short time, while others has been married for many years.  Some issues were a little awkward to learn about in a large group (there were about 15 couples in the room) but all were very informative,” says Melissa.

“Since we had to go off individually and write for an hour about the topics we learned and then switch papers with one another, we did learn things about each other that we probably wouldn’t have discussed in a normal day to day conversation. It was interesting to learn the different feelings that were evoked after hearing speeches on the topics. I think it was a great experience and in a way brought us closer,” says the bride-to-be.

This type of experience does not have to be limited to those that are planning a wedding. Imagine how it would feel to be on the other side of this young couple- sharing your thoughts and ideas based on your own marriage experiences. The feeling of helping others will inevitably strengthen the bond between you and your mate in an emotional way.

Spiritual and emotional connections are of course not limited to any one religion- or any religion at all for that matter. My partner and I recently went to Thailand on an intense ten-day mediation retreat in the jungle that prohibited verbal communication for the duration of the retreat. Each day was dedicated to walking, standing, and sitting meditations, followed by a session where a monk spoke to the group, teaching different meditation skills and lecturing us on different spiritual lessons each day.

I was curious as to what my partner had experienced, so I asked him for copies of all of the recorded sessions. Each time I listen to a session,
I talk to him about my thoughts and feelings on what I had learned. Through this we were able to reach a new level of connection through sharing in these experiences.

Spiritual and emotional connections are the utmost personal type of connection that will really depend on you and your mate’s deepest interests and beliefs. However, the following is a list of suggested ideas that could perhaps help bring you and your mate closer to each other:

• Being speakers at a pre-wedding counseling session (or attending the session if you are un-married).
• Performing community service together.
• Joining your local place of worship, and making it a point to go together once a week, if not more.
• Learning the art of meditation together, and/or practicing yoga together.

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