It’s easy to feel bad about myself. I have very dry skin that hates the winter and is prone to scaly patches of itchy eczema. Even if other people don’t notice my breakouts, I feel like there’s a spotlight shining on me, while the word “UGLY” blinks on my forehead. If friends have similar complaints about their own big zits, split ends or tight waistbands, I’m great at telling them they look great and rebuilding their confidence. But when it comes to my own mirror image, all I hear is self-doubts and criticisms. Feeling bad about ourselves is a sport most women excel at—if self-deprecation was an Olympic event, believe me, I’d have a gold medal. If we don’t look like the cover of a magazine, then we must look terrible, right?

Perhaps the issue here is one of definition. The Oxford English Dictionary approximates that there are at least a quarter of a million English language words, so it’s worth remembering that “fashion,” “style” and “beauty” are related, but not synonymous. Fashion is the most fickle. Just take a look at the difference in style of ’70s fashion icon Twiggy and ’90s fashion risk-taker Madonna and you can see that time changes everything, fashionably speaking. Despite what the magazines say, style is difficult to buy, for while it’s easy enough to pick up a fuschia lipstick, not everyone looks as though they should be wearing it. Which leaves us with beauty. Deep down, I know that my confidence and energy is always higher when I take proper care of myself, getting lots of sleep and good food and exercise. With the full package, I look and feel vibrant and beautiful. Beauty is about the whole picture, and it truly is in the eye of the beholder. What I’m trying to remember is that the most important beholder has got to be myself.